Lessons from the Emptying Nest

Lessons from the Emptying Nest

The emptying nest. I have dreaded this era of my life since June 2, 1993. It was the day I became the mother of my lovely 19 year old daughter Gabriela Maria. My mother had often repeated the idea during my life that our children are just loaned to us by God, for a brief time to be launched out in the world when they are ready, yet the thought of letting go of my precious daughter was frightening to me. 

We are very close. I only worked for one terrible year outside the home, missing my sweet toddler all day till I rushed home from school at 2:00 PM to nurse her to sleep for her afternoon nap. I vowed never to work outside the home full time, and thanks to my husband, I was able to keep that promise.  I devised ways to be home as much as possible, from running a home day care, to teaching at a local college Saturdays while she and her sisters spent time bonding with Daddy. They rode bikes and went to the beach, and I would find them disheveled and happy when I returned from work.

We homeschooled for eleven years, then Gabbi went to a Catholic high school where she became a leader in the pro-life club and student government. It wasn’t easy, moving from Long Island to Connecticut in her freshman year, she was angry at me for her entire 15^th year, but now thanks me for taking advantage of the beautiful Catholic community in Eastern Connecticut, where we have many friends. 

We prepared for college all summer, she helping me organize a home office so I could live without her gift for organization and me helping her build a wardrobe and fix her car. I couldn’t bring myself to help Gabbi pack; however, I left that to her younger sister, 15 year old Bella. The two would talk and laugh long into the night, while sorting through the stuff of their shared room. I fought the dread of her departure all summer, often succumbing to morose reflections like, “You won’t be going to Mass with us next month.”

When the day arrived, I was remarkably calm. After all, leaving a beloved child at Franciscan University of Steubenville is a reason to celebrate, not mourn. Freshman Orientation was as much a time of learning for the parents as the students. We celebrated inspiring Masses and learned the term, “dynamic orthodoxy” which is the hallmark of a Franciscan student. Living the fullness of the Catholic Faith with all the boisterous joy of a college student, all the while growing in knowledge of the richness of our theology, I discovered that Gabbi was one of an exclusive club, one of only two transfer students admitted into the third rated Bachelor of Science in Nursing Program in the nation. Her father and I were bursting with pride as we drove down University Boulevard towards the bridge to West Virginia. Our job would now consist in being Gabbi’s cheerleaders and intercessors.

Once we returned home I turned my attention to the two daughters still at home; my 15 year old high school student, Isabella and 10 year old Christina with Down syndrome. Bella, like Gabbi had homeschooled for her Freshman Year of high school, and was entering a Catholic prep school which would challenge her both academically and spiritually. Christina was experiencing some physical challenges and I had just discovered that she has a sensory processing disorder, which impedes her ability to communicate. 

The needs of my younger girls being so demanding, I missed Gabbi’s company all the more. After adjusting to life in the countryside in Connecticut, Gabbi had become my confidante. Bella is going through the agony of a 15 year old who is becoming independent while still at home and I have to do the delicate dance of mom who is needed but not always welcome. Christina has difficulty expressing her needs so I have to learn about her conditions, and then take educated guesses at how to meet her needs.

I spend long hours talking to specialists and taking her to appointments where she can receive needed therapy. I arise before six to drive Bella to school, and work with Christina who has to be coached through her dressing routine in the morning.

So, these lovely daughters have less emotional gratification to offer Mom than their absent sister, yet I have become more disciplined in my prayer life, adding a three o’clock Divine Mercy Chaplet , and Rosary walk of 1-2 miles and reading Magnificat in the morning. I have made efforts to spend time with good Catholic friends who support me. This has given me the strength to endure teenage trauma, and the added work of a child with special needs while Gabbi is busy building her future over 500 miles away.

So when Gabbi came home this weekend, and at last I embraced my college girl, she was as impressed with how much her sisters and I have grown as we were regarding her newfound independence. We have never been more grateful to God at Thanksgiving than this year of the newly emptying nest. 

~Leticia Velasquez, Co-founder of KIDS (Keep Infants with Down Syndrome) 

author of "A Special Mother is Born" 

Ad Jesum per Mariam

Ad Jesum per Mariam

I        I am pleased to welcome Leticia Velasquez to "Catholic Moms Talk" today. She shares her special story which touches all of our lives. Leticia and her husband have three daughters including Christina who has Down syndrome. She  is the author of A Special Mother is Born a collection of inspirational stories from Catholic parents of special needs children, and a contributor to the award-winning Stories for the Homeschool Heart and A Catholic Mother's Companion to Pregnancy. 

In 2008 Leticia co-founded KIDS (Keep Infants with Down Syndrome) to raise awareness of the tragically high abortion rate of babies with Down syndrome. She has appeared on EWTN, diocesan TV, and Canadian Television, and on various radio programs across the nation. She is a correspondent for the National Catholic Register, and a contributor to several websites including her blog Cause of Our Joy, Leticia can be found on Facebook, and on Twitter @CauseofourJoy .  

CCC 166          Faith is a personal act — the free response of the human person to the initiative of God who reveals himself. But faith is not an isolated act. No one can believe alone, just as no one can live alone. You have not given yourself faith as you have not given yourself life. The believer has received faith from others and should hand it on to others.Our love for Jesus and for our neighbor impels us to speak to others about our faith. Each believer is thus a link in the great chain of believers. I cannot believe without being carried by the faith of others, and by my faith I help support others in the faith.

In 2002, I , the mother of two girls, became the mother of a baby girl with Down syndrome. It was something I never imagined I could handle, I rationalized that I didn’t have enough patience, that my marriage could not withstand the stress. Nevertheless, one Sunday morning, while attending Mass halfway through my pregnancy, I heard a voice in my heart, which said, “You are going to have a baby with Down syndrome.” 

I doubted this voice, and tried to shrug it off. But a few minutes later, I was in the Communion line and the voice said, “I want you to accept this child as a gift from My Hand.” I accepted God’s will and His Body in tears saying, “Yes, Lord, but please bring my husband along for the ride.” God used even my reluctant fiat to accomplish His will in my life.

Four months later, Christina was born and the voice was proved to be prophetic; Christina did have Down syndrome and was tiny at 5 pounds, but was otherwise healthy.  I felt surrounded by an embrace of love. Phone calls came, meals arrived, and over one hundred people attended her Baptism, in the pouring rain on Mother’s Day. Their faith kept me afloat when I was weak, recovering from a C-section, dealing with her jaundice and nursing issues, as well as supporting family members who were still coming to grips with the fact that she had Down syndrome.

My pastor connected me with the mother of a lovely twenty year old young lady with Down syndrome who calmed my fears by telling me that Kristin was happy, working a job a local bakery, busy with family activities, and a godmother three times over. Another friend sent an Elizabeth Ministry package with a book and CD “Sometimes Miracles Hide” which was full of testimonies of parents of special needs children. 

My faltering faith was buoyed by a loving tide of support from my faith community. Once I regained my stride as a mother, I began to notice that other mothers of babies with Down syndrome are not given such support.

I took Christina to her older sister’s softball game and it brought tears to the eyes of a mother who had felt unequal to the challenge of bearing a child with Down syndrome, and made the tragic choice of abortion. My baby helped this mother realize she had made a mistake; between 75-92% of moms who received a diagnosis of Down syndrome choose abortion. I resolved to share my story with moms like this who feel overwhelmed, as I did, but who do not have the beautiful community of support I enjoyed. 

I learned that my doctors were not going to pass my phone number to their patients, so I took to the Internet. There, I found a place to share how my little child with Down syndrome was a blessing to my family and the larger community. I shared how she was an example of faith by her simple prayers to God in times of need, her unconditional love of all those she met, and her boundless joy at Mass. 

Soon other parents shared their inspiring stories with me, and I collected them into a book A Special Mother is Born a collection of 34 stories from Catholic parents of special needs children who share what a blessing they are.

So many women have told me that these moving stories strengthened their faith, making them additional links in the chain of believers, and I am grateful to God for the grace to say “Yes” to His gift of Christina a little girl with Down syndrome. 

~Leticia Velasquez, Co-founder of KIDS (Keep Infants with Down Syndrome) 

author of "A Special Mother is Born"